Elevator of doom 2!
by Dreamah
Summary: A sequel to Elevator of Doom! This time, you the audience get to control the madness in this reality TV fic! Big names from Invader Zim have been trapped in an elevator. Final round! Zim vs Dib!
1. Crazy Co Presents Elevator of Doom!

ELEVATOR OF DOOM…2!

Sequel to The Elevator of doom…bleheheh…(for those of you who don't want to read The elevator of doom, The Box is a fragment of a singing/talking Christmas card with an annoyingly high voice) Basically this is a crazy Big Brother style thing in an elevator, and YOU the readers get to choose who is evicted.

The box: Hello ladies and gentlemen, it's the year 2190, and after Big Brother collapsed into nothing, the Crazy Corporation is back with another reality TV show. We've taken 6 big names in the universe and trapped them against their will in an elevator. Every 4 hours one of them will be evicted, and the winner gets Adhesive Medical Strips! And the contestants are…Gir!

Gir: YAY!

The box: Tallest Purple!

Purple: Noooo! That's the second time I've been locked in an elevator!

The box: Gaz!

Gaz: when I get out of here, you are so dead…

The box: Zim!

Purple: WHAT? You mean I'm locked in an elevator with Zim….AGAIN?

Zim: Yes, yes, I am incredible.

The box: Dib!

Zim: WHAT?

Dib: AH! I don't know what kind of clever scheme this is Zim…

Zim: STOP FOLLOWING ME!

Dib: but…Im…not…

The box: and finally…Tak!

Tak: ok…SOME BODY TELL WHAT'S GOING ON?

The box: and now….we start the show! Eviction happens in 4 hours so cast your vote at any time…

Time until eviction: 4 hours

Gir: YAY! YAYAYAYAYAYA-

Tak: SHUTUP! Its bad enough being stuck in here without you yammering away…I need to get out of here so I can find Zim!

Zim: SILENCE!

Tak: Zim?

Zim: eh, no…I'm…Madonna.

Tak: LIAR! _Lunges out at the nearest person, but because its pitch black she hits Gaz instead._

Gaz: you….are….so….DEAD! _Gir jumps on Tak's face and licks her._

Gir: you taste like meat!

Gaz: roasted meat…

Zim: MEATS OF EVIL!

Dib: I can hear aliens….but…I cant see them…

Purple: I can hear loonatics but I can't believe it!

Dib: whatever. We should just try to entertain ourselves until this eviction thing. Why don't we tell ghost stories!

Purple: why don't we roll around, beat each other senseless and lose our minds?_ Everybody stares at him_

Zim: yeah! That's what you did the last time we were trapped in an elevator! Remember? I was there…and ooh! So were you! And Tallest Red….wow we had fun back then didn't we.

Purple: I still have nightmares about it!

Zim: you danced and you ran into walls and chewed Red's head and then you turned into a woman.

Dib: what?

Purple: ZIM!

Dib: Is that some kind of alien mutation? Turning into a woman?

Gaz: you better not mutate on me….

Purple: but he's lyin-

Tak: Great! I have to spend my time with a bunch of crazies!

Purple: I'm not crazy!

Tak: Tallest Purple?

Purple: yiiiis….

Tak: eh….hehe….sorry…Can I be an Invader?

Zim: no fair! I want to be an invader!

Purple: you already are one!

Tak: No I'm not!

Gir: I wanna be a bear…

Gaz: guess we can't have everything now can we?

Dib: Hey, are there rules about destroying the other contestants?

Gaz: I don't think so…

Dib: (thinking) Great! I can get Zim!

Gaz: (thinking) finally, I can get dib!

Tak: (thinking) yes! Zim is finished!

Gir: (thinking) Im hungry!

Purple: Is it me, or can Ihear people thinking.

Gir: I'm hungry!

Gaz: I hate you.

Gir: YAY!


	2. Times like these there's just no monkey

**Time until first eviction: 3 hours 20 minutes. **

**Favourite for eviction: Gaz**

Gaz: If I get evicted…you will ALL PAY!

Dib: hey Zim where are you? I need to do…something…just…horrible…

Zim: over here Dib monkey!

Purple: monkey? There are monkeys in here? WHERES THE MONKEY?

Zim: here is the monkey! _Points at Dib_

Gir: isn't he a cute little monkey! _Pokes Dib with a cheesy nacho_

Purple: does he do tricks?

Gaz: he can stand on his big head.

Dib: my head is not big!

Gaz: yes it is…

Dib: is not! Besides! Your head's bigger!

Zim:oooh…

_Gaz's face contorts with hideous pain and she starts strangling Dib with a lot of strangly power. _

Tak: be quiet little humans. I don't have time for you!

Gir: do you have time for a big smelly hug? I brought my piggy with me!

_Gir rubs the greasy piggy in Tak's face._

Tak: AH! Zim! Control your monster!

Zim: monster? AHHHHHH!_ Runs around in circles_

Purple: I'm hungry!

Gaz: me too…can we order pizza?

Box: eh…no…

Gaz: WHAT?

Zim: why don't we sing merry songs instead!

Tak: why, in the name of Irk, WOULD WE DO THAT?

Dib: can you PLEASE stop shouting! Where did I put my alien sleep cuffs.

Gir: I DON'T WANNA GO TO SLEEP! AAAAAAH!

Purple: _sits down_ I just wanted to see the monkey…

Tak: monkey? Where?

Gir: I think he's sleeping…

Gaz: (thinks) monkey pizza…

Purple: I want to see him do tricks!

Gir: YAY! MONK-EH!

Zim: out monkey! Do your tricks of doom!

Dib: THERE IS NO MONKEY!

Gir: no…monkey? WAAAAH!

Purple: no monkey! I want a refund!

Dib: of what!

Tak: no monkey? DIB! YOU PIG! YOU KILLED THE MONKEY!_  
_Dib: there was no monkey!

Zim: wait, is Dib the monkey or the pig?

Gaz: or some horrible mix of piggy monkeyness…

Purple: ooh, even better!

Gir: wittle piggy monkey!

Dib: there is no piggy monkey!

Gaz: so what are we going to eat for lunch?

_Every body looks up at the box._

Box: lunch, breakfast, dinner or any manner of food not included.

Tak: WHAT?

Box: Crazy corporation not liable for lawsuits concerning starvation or insaneness. Terms and conditions apply.

Zim: you know at the invader academy they teach you to survive on alien flesh during periods of starvation…

Gaz: sounds good to me.

Dib: jeez! We're only in here for 24 hours!

Gir: noooooo!

Zim: what? What's wrong?

Gir: I left the oven on…

_Zoom over to Zim's house where the house in on fire._

Dib: _sniggers_

Zim: you know, you house is only 5 doors down, so it'll burn to.

Dib: damn it…

Purple: I like burning…

Dib: heh?

Tak: huh? Wha? Sorry I wasn't listening. What are we talking about now?

Purple: kabam! _He pulls out a match and sets Tak's head on fire. _

Tak: GAAAAH!

**Time until first eviction: 2 hours 30 minutes**


	3. Now we shall stand on Dib's greasy head

**Time until eviction: 2 hours 30 minutes**

**Favourite for eviction: Gaz. BWAHAHA!**

Tak: do you mind?

**Eh…Sorry…**

Purple: who hires these commentary people…

Tak: GAAAAH! _Gets sprayed in the face by Gaz's acid soda _AAAAH!

Gaz: Doesn't she play any different tunes? _Stands on her foot_

Tak: PIKOPIPIPIIPIIIIII!

Gaz: ok…

Dib: was that some kind of Irken distress signal?

Zim: _kicks him in the face_

Dib: PIKOPIPIPIIPIIIIII!

Zim: that answers that question.

Dib: you will pay for this Zim!

Purple: speaking of paying, when am I going to get refunds for my monkey?

Dib: THERE IS NO MONKEY!

_Some body farts_

Dib: gah…choking…evil alien gas….clogging….nerves…

Purple: no….that was the eggs I had for lunch.

Gir: I gots some eggs! _Pulls out a bag of mushy green stuff _They're over 4 years old!

Tak: _Goes even greener than the average Irken _that is….disgusting…

Gir: I opened once and every body in the park flew away! To live…out there in the stars! 'cause they can't live here no more! WHY?

Zim: maybe its because they're dead gir.

Gir: nu-uh! I seen one of them playing hide and seek! They were really good at it!

Zim: were they hiding in a wooden box on the back of a hearse?

Gir: like outta the Dracula movie…_drools_

Zim: I thought so.

Gaz: It can't smell that bad.

Purple: yeah! Open it!

Tak: NOO!

Dib: put it away gir!

Gaz: open it!

Purple: open-open-open-

Zim: THE GREAT ZIM SHALL DECIDE!

Tak: (sarcastically) oh, whoopee…

Zim: we shall hold a competition to decide the winner! He or she gets the eggs!

Gir: But I like my eggs!

Zim: SILENCE!

Dib: ok…so what do we have to do?

Zim: who can balance on Dib's greasy head for the longest!

Box: wow, the author of this episode really doesn't like Dib…

Dib: WHAT?

_  
Zim picks everybody except Gir up and drops them on Dib's head one by one. _

Zim: Dib! You're out! I have never seen such pitiful balancing!

Dib: but…how am I supposed to balance on my own head?

Gaz: don't be a sore loser…

Zim: yeah Dib, listen to the child!

Purple: wow, his heads even bigger from up here!

Dib: IS NOT!

Purple: is too!

Tak: stop babbling like babies. Honestly! _Wobbles and grabs Purple for support. Purple falls off._

Purple: wah! I'm not gonna let you be an invader!

Tak: I'd rather not be an Invader than be gassed to death!

Gir: TAK! TAK! TAK!

Purple: Go Gaz!

Tak: I'm gonna win this earth girl!

Gaz: really? _Pushes her off._ I don't think so.

Dib; horrible….head ache…

Gaz: hm. I did it, and as winner I say OPEN THE BAG NOW!

**Time until Gaz's inevitable eviction-**

Gaz: HEY!

Tak: ehehehe…

**Ahem. Sorry. : 2 hours.**

**Favourite for eviction-**

Gaz: I'm going to warn you to shutup right now, before you do something stupid…


	4. Yo ho ho and a bag of eggs!

**Time until eviction: 2 hours**

**Favourite for eviction: Gaz….and Tak?**

Tak: what? NOOO! CURSE YOU!

Gaz: open the bag gir!

Gir: okie dokie.

_Gir opens the bag. We zoom outside of the elevator where a random old lady in walking past. Green gas pours out of the elevator and the old lady falls into a coma (which Crazy Co takes no responsibility for). Then we zoom up to the Crazy Co control room to reveal that the dreaded stink has escaped into the air vent and killed all of the Crazy Co workers, and is escaping into the main vents where it will no doubt pour out of your computer screens in a moment.. Luckily, the author of this fic was not affected by-WHAT IS THAT SMELL?_

_Ahem. We go back to the elevator where everybody has collapsed and is writhing with horrid smellyness except for Gir and Gaz who are unaffected._

Gir: Mmmm…_Dips his finger in the eggyness and licks it._

Zim: AH! THE HORRID SMELL! IT SMELLS LIKE DOOKY!

Gaz: wimp. Dib smells worse.

Zim: hm…now that is true…

Dib: H-e-y…aa….it smells….like…toilet…

Gir: and that's the rotten tomato I put in last week.

Tak: _throws up all over Dib_ That's….better…

Gir: want some? _Offers Tak the bag_

Tak: AAAAAH!

Gir: Face paint! _Pours the contents of the bag on purple_

Purple:….I….can't….believe…you just did that…._faints_

Zim: I now unveil…the magic marker of doom! _Draws a moustache on Purple's gunk covered face._

Purple: Zim, when I stop STINKING! I will do some thing horrible to you…

Gaz: Gunk fight! _Picks up the gunk and hurls it at Tak who throws up on Gir._

Gir: yay! _Pulls out random assortment of out of date food_

Dib: stop it!

Purple: listen to the stink thing!

Dib: I'm not a stink thing! You smell worse!

Purple: nu-uh!

Tak: Everybody, calm down. We'll get used to the smell soon, and everything will be-_twitches-_ JUST HORRIBLE!

Zim: o…k….

Tak: I hate you people!

Dib: ok….but Zim smells worse than I do.

Zim:_ leans forward and writes 'smelly jerk' on Dibs huge head-_

Dib: stop saying my head is big! _Sorry…_

Zim: hehehe…

Dib: leave me alone!

Tak: AAAAHHH! _Hits Dib_

Dib: what was that for?

Tak: I don't know, I just got the urge to run around, scream and hit you.

Dib: is it me or do people deliberately vent their anger out on me?

Zim: _throws gunk in Dib's face_ nah…

Dib: you…alien…thing…

Purple: is that supposed to be an insult?

Dib: And your next!

Tak: oh sure, just forget I exist!

Dib: AAAAAH!

Zim: get used to it…

**I think that was quite a bit shorter than the others…hm…sorry….anyhoo, cast all votes in quickly, eviction happens in chapter 6. **

Purple: good! I wanna go home!

The box: Im sorry, you seem to be the most popular elevator mate!

Purple: you mean…I might be stuck here for TWENTY FOUR HOURS? Why do you people poke me!

Tak: nobody's poking you!

Purple: leave me alone…


	5. Sporktastic dancing

**Time until eviction: 1 hour 30 minutes**

**Favourite for eviction: Sorry Gaz, you're on your own now.**

Gaz: gr….

Tak: HA!

Dib: My head is not greasy!

Zim: what is it with people trying to vote out the box?

Box: Im not even an elevator mate! Toppit or I'll sing Christmas songs!

Purple: trust me folks, you don't want her to to start doing that…

Box: I'm a guy…

Purple: ehehe…

Zim: ooch…

_A panel in the ceiling opens and covers Purple in flour._

Purple: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Gaz: How come we don't get any flour?

Box: supplies had to be cut back due to a rubber pig breaking into the flour compound. _Everybody stares at Gir suspiciously, Gir just smiles innocently._

Zim: tough crowd…Dib! Block the flour hole with your-

Dib: If you say anything about my head I will…do…horrible…things…

Zim: Actually I was going to say rucksack but your head works nicely.

Dib: NAAAAAAAAAA-

_Two minutes later_

Dib: AAAAAAAAAAH

_Zim slaps duct tape over his mouth._

Dib: mmmmnmnh!

Gir: Duct tape!

_Gir grabs the tape and sticks Tak to the wall by her arms._

Tak: get me down!

Zim: Any one wanna play darts?

Purple: YEAH! _Sticks Dib to the wall next to Tak _Now we get a board each…

Dib: MNNNMHHH!

Tak: LET ME DOWN! ZIM!

Zim: what can we use as darts?

Purple: how bout pencils?

Gir: YAY! _Starts poking Dib in the eye with a pencil_

Gaz: You mean you want to poke pencils through my only brothers brain?

Purple: Is there a problem?

Dib: mMMhh! (translation: Help me Gaz!)

Gaz: can I play?

Dib: HMM! (Translation: GAZ!)

Tak: stopit right now! Let me down!

Purple: ok, but only if you-

Gir: Dance!

Zim: YES! I command the Dib to dance!

Dib: MMHNNM…

Zim: eh….just nod you head if you accept.

Dib: Mnnmhmmh! (translation: I can't! You duct taped my head to a wall!)

Zim: Nod your head! NOD IT! NOD IT!

Gaz: I wanted to throw pencils at him…

Purple: you can do that later. Gir! Let them down and make 'em dance!

_Gir obeys and get rid of the duct tape._

Gir: dance!

Dib: technically you can't make us dance…

Tak: yeah!

Gaz: how about we throw pencils at them until they dance?

Zim: the pencils or Dib?

Gir: I'll sharpen me some pencils…_starts pulling out sporks and sharpening them_

Tak: Gir, those are not pencils…

Gaz: it doesn't matter…

Purple: yeah! Dance!

Dib: _groans and starts dancing unenthusiastically. Tak copies._

Zim: put some life into it!

Gaz: _throws a spork at Tak. She starts dancing faster, Gaz throws more sporks until Tak's dancing like Elton John and Dib's doing a pretty good imitation of Elvis._

**Time until Eviction: 10 minutes.**

**Unfortunately, the favourite for eviction cant be named since said favourite is armed with sporks.**


	6. Drastic evictions and chopsticks

_Gaz throws the last spork at Tak, and it flies straight for her eye. Just before it hits her, it freezes and drops to the floor._

Tak: Wha?

Box: EVICTION TIME!

Gaz: But there aren't any sporks left!

Box: And this episodes first eviction is….GAZ!

Gaz: At least I get out of here.

Box: um….yeah….

Gaz: open the doors then!

Box: We can't, due to the fact other members might escape, you might try to murder someone on the way out and there's an old lady in a coma out side of the elevator and the paramedics are stuck in a traffic jam.

Gaz: So how am I going to get evicted?

_A huge laser canon sprouts out of the wall and fries Gaz._

Tak: O.O

Purple: that was a bit drastic…

Zim: no kidding…

Dib: NOOOOO!

Tak: jeez Dib, it was only Gaz!

Dib: _Points accusingly at Zim _I blame you! You got us into this mess in the first place!

Zim: What are you going on about!

Gir: aw….Gaz took my sporks….

Tak: I give you sporks in a minute…

Purple: well, at least theres more room in here!

Zim: Now all we need is Dib evicted and that's one huge head out of the way!

Dib: nu-uh! _Pulls out chopsticks _

Purple: what are you going to do with those?

Tak: yeah, are you going to eat him?

_Dib jumps on Zim, poking him with chopsticks and chewing his head._

Zim: AHHH!

Tak: Now that's something I've wanted to see in a long time…

Zim: help meeee! Gir, defence mode!

Gir: my….sporks…WHY MY SPORKS? WHHHHHYYYY!

Tak: why do you even bother…

Dib: well that's my vengeance done.

Zim: pain…POKE! _Pokes Dib, knocking him over _I am the pokiest! BOW BEFORE ME! _Pokes Dib insanely_

Purple: poke fi-

Tak: don't you dare….

Gir: why not…

Purple: aw…_pokes her in the eye_

Tak: what are you, The Tallest or a raving loonatic?

Purple: _pokes her._ Meheheh…

Gir: _triumphantly find one of his sporks and pokes Tak in the brain._

Tak: NYAAA! My brain! My brrrrrr….aaaaaa…..iiiiinn….._Rolls around on the floor getting covered in gunk. _NENANEANANANANEEEHEEE…

Dib: why is Tak screaming like a loonatic?

Zim: That's how some body sounds when they've lost it. How long until the next eviction?

Purple: I'm not falling for that again! Last time you ate my watch!

Dib: huh?

Zim: I gave it back!

Purple: You threw it up!

Zim: you hugged it!

Purple: Yeah well….I wasn't feeling very good then.

Tak: We need to escape this place! You two! _Points at Purple and Zim _How did you escape last time?

Purple: we didn't…

Tak: oh dear…We're doomed…

Gir: YAY! Doom doom de doom doom doom,

Dib: This is not a good time! Zim, tell your robot to shutup!

Zim: aha! _Grabs the chopsticks off him and attacks_

Purple: this is going to be a looooooooooooooooooooong day….

Gir: loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-

Tak: We get the point!

**Time until eviction: 3 hours 40 minutes.**

**Voting for the second eviction begins now.**


	7. I blame you dear watson!

Part 7

**Time until eviction 3 hours 40 minutes.**

**Favourite for eviction: Tak**

Tak: CURSE YOU GENERAL PUBLIC!

Dib: you have no idea how much you sounded like Zim there.

Tak: LIAR! YOU'RE LYING!

Purple: wow! You do!

Zim: THERE IS ONLY ONE ZIM!

Tak: FOOL!

Gir: master? _Looks between them_ which one is my master?

Tak: GIR! You idiot! I'm Tak!

Gir: ….so wheres master?

Zim: here Gir!

Gir: hiya Tak!

Zim: no, I'm Zim! ZIM!

Gir: riiiiight...so which one of you's a girl?

Tak: me.

Gir: so…my masters a girl?

Dib: heheh….

Zim: IM YOUR MASTER!

Gir:….so who's the private detective?

Zim: what private detective?

Sherlock Holmes: jolly good.

Dib: heh?

Sherlock Holmes: elementary dear Watson!

Box: ok, who let the detective back in the elevator again?

Dib: what kind of a twisted TV show is this?

Holmes: I'm here to investigate the murder of the little old lady. All of you are under suspicion!

Purple: What about Gaz?

Holmes: eh…_glances at the pile of ash on the floor._ That's not important right now.

Zim: Well the great Zim blames Gaz for telling Gir to open the bag.

Dib: Gaz would probably blame Gir for having that bag!

Gir: I blame Dib for losing the head balancing contest!

Dib: That wasn't fair! I blame Zim for starting that contest!

Zim: I blame Tak for losing to Gaz!

Holmes: eh…its ok, really-

Tak: I blame Purple for being on Gaz's side!

Purple: I blame Tak for being…not…nice!

Tak: I blame Zim for being stupid!

Zim: I blame Dib for having a big head!

Dib: I blame Purple for being stinky!

Purple: I blame Gir! Because…I dunno…

Gir: I blame Holmes!

Purple: Yeah!

Zim: The detective did it!

Holmes: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Tak: get the detective!

**Time until eviction: 3 hours**

**Favourite for eviction:…well, I don't know about the evicting but unless Holmes can get out of that elevator…**


	8. Commercials and one doomed detective

**Commercial break!**

**Guy: Hi! Do you want the perfect gift this Summer? Buy this brand new woolly scarf! Perfect if you want to sit at that garden party looking like a total freak! Buy now and get some mittens! I like mittens…BUY THE MITTENS! **

**Ugly singing commercial Girls (USCG): Mittens, the scarfiest gift this year!**

**Other Guy: Do want action?**

**Boy: no…**

**Other Guy: Do you want fun?**

**Boy: no…**

**Other Guy: well for fun and action, buy this great espresso machine! Makes 14 cups of coffee at a time, and is guaranteed not to explode! (in theory)**

**Boy: no really, I have an exam tomorrow; can you get out of my room?**

**Other Guy: You're just thrilled aren't you?**

**Boy: How did you get into my house?**

**Other: eh…gotta go folks! RUUUUUN!**

**USCG: run, run, run away, or you won't drink espresso for another day!**

**Boy: Who pays these people?**

**Dude: did you wake up this morning to find you husband/wife/younger sibling dead on the carpet? Are you certain that it wasn't that ton of bricks you dropped on them?**

**Boy: LEAVE ME ALONE! I HAVE TO STUDY!**

**Dude: well call Sherlock Holmes detective agency! The prime detective-**

**Boy: didn't you hear, he's being eaten!**

**Dude: who?**

**Boy: Sherlock!**

**Dude: why?**

**Boy: Don't you watch TV? The elevator mates tied him up and now they're roasting him over a fire!**

**Dude: WHAT?**

**Boy: I dunno.**

**USCG: Sherlock detective agency, for all your murder and cannibal needs!**

Box: Aaaaaand back to the show!

_Back in the elevator, the elevator mates have tied Sherlock up and are roasting him over a spit. Zim is forcing Dib to turn the spit, Purple and Tak are dancing all American Indian style around them. Gir is dressed in a tuxedo and is kinda reading from a bible._

Sherlock: AAAAAH! IT BURNS!

Tak: nicely toasted…

Dib: why do we have to eat him?

Tak: QUIET! I'm all hungry and when I'm hungry I –_twitch_-NEED TO CHEW YOUR HANDS! HAHAH! SOON YOU SHALL ONLY HAVE STUBS! BLEEDING STUBS!

Purple: heehee… _Dib glares at him _hey, I spend 5 hours with Zim in an elevator, why shouldn't Tak suffer?

Tak: stubs….stubs…stubs…

Dib: right now I am very scared…

Zim: AHEM! Gir will now read the opening meal….speech…..thing…

Gir: hello! Thank you all for coming! We are gathered here to witness the union of this hapless detective and our rumbling bellies.

Holmes: YOU PEOPLE ARE NUTS!

Gir: as the first preparation, we must jam an apple into Holmes's mouth to shut him up.

_Zim pokes Dib, who sighs and jams an apple in Holmes's mouth._

Holmes: MMNM! (translation: I'm suing!)

Dib: I feel you're pain…

Holmes: MHMNM! (translation: I doubt it)

Gir: Thank you! Now we dance! And then we eat!

Dib: WHY?

Purple: DO NOT DISOBEY THE PRIEST!

Dib: he's not a priest! He's insane!

Gir: DO IT! DANCE!

Tak: no really, why should we dance?

Zim: It'll make the detective taste better.

Tak: YEAH! DAAAAAANCING….

Purple: yeah! Lets dance!

Gir: break it down! Doo-doo-doo-de-doo-doo…

Dib: THIS IS MADNESS!

Holmes: MHNNNM!

Tak: shut up or we're eating you for desert!

Dib: madness….

Purple: come on Dib! Dance with us!

Dib: _is sucked into an imaginary world_

Fantasy Purple: Join us Dib!

Fantasy Tak: Join us! Join our league of super crazy aliens!

Fantasy Gir: I like you…

Fantasy Zim: Yeah Dib, soon you shall go insane! BWAHAHA!

Fantasy Purple: shut up Zim.

Fantasy Holmes: Eat me! Eat me!

Gaz's ghost: wow, I'm missing this?

Fantasy Holmes: Eat me!

Dib:_shudders and wakes up_ I will not dance!

Tak: You know, I still have a few sporks-

Dib: ok! I'll dance! Sheesh….

**Time until eviction: 3 hours**

**Favourite for eviction: Tak.**


	9. Exit Holmes and his kitten of explosion

**Time until eviction: 3 hours**

**Favourite for eviction: **

Dib: hurry up and evict her already! She's armed with sporks!

Box: heheh…

Dib: they're about to eat someone! Can't you do something?

Box: uh….transmission…breaking…up….bssssss….

Dib: stupid people…

Tak: there, we danced, now we must eat!

Gir: the ceremony shall now do something good. Yes. Yes…

Purple: get on with it, I'm hungry.

Gir: first some one must taste Holmes to see if he's ready!

Zim: hands up, who votes Dib!

_Everybody minus Dib puts their hand up._

Dib: WHAT?

Box: excuse me? This is a family show, you can't eat some one on live TV!

Purple: ah shutup.

Box: anyone who eats that man we automatically be evicted!

Dib: but that's a good thing!

Box: fine, eat him and you'll get some thing…bad…

Dib: can it get any worse?

Box: yes. You all get kittens! BWAHAHA!

_A kitten falls through the opening panel in the roof._

Holmes: I'm allergic to kittens! AHHHH! _Explodes, covering everyone in gunk._

Dib: why did he explode?

Box: damn it, more insurance money down the drain…

Tak: but…what are we going to eat now?

Zim: lets eat the kitten.

Dib: ok.

Purple: yeah that sounds good.

Kitten: meow?

**Program had to be stopped at this point due to graphical stuff. I wuvved that kitten….why did they do it? **

**Box: you write this thing! You made them do it! What is wrong with your head?**

**Eh….whatever.**

_Back in the elevator where the kittens skeleton is hanging from the spit. Yay._

Tak: I'm still hungry.

Dib: I'm still freaked out.

Gir: I'm a priest!

Zim: no Gir.

Gir: wha? WHY?

Purple: no priest?

Zim: gir, you're not a priest!

Gir: don't you luff me no mo?

Zim: what?

Tak: can we eat Zim now?

Zim: eh…eat Purple! He's tall and has more meat!

Dib: here we go again.

Purple: eat Dib! Theres meat in his huge head!

Dib: eat gir! He's bugging me…

Gir: eat Tak!

Tak: ok! _Tak sits down and starst chewing her hand. _

Gir: I wonder how my taquitos are doing…

_Zoom back to earth to reveal the entire city is on fire._

News reporter: Experts say the great fire of our beloved city started here (shows pic of Zim's house) in a freak taco accident.

Gir:….oh well.

Dib: That was stupid.

Zim: it was my plan the entire time! BWAHAHA!

Dib: so how come the plan involved locking yourself, me, my sister, your leader and one of your arch enemies in an elevator?

Zim: um…look! Dooky!

Dib: that is really lame Zim.

Zim: can we have some dooky in here?

Box: sure thing.

_A blob of dooky falls on Dib's head. Tak sniffs it._

Tak: is that cow dooky?

Dib: leave me alone!

**Time until eviction: 1 hour 30 minutes.**

**Fav for eviction Tak. I laugh at your pain.**

Tak: well I laugh at your head!

**You can't see my head.**

Tak: I laugh at it anyway!


	10. Tak flavoured Icecream and eviction 2

**Time until eviction: 1 hour 30 minutes**

**Fav for eviction: Tak.**

Gir: YAAAAAAAY!

Tak: AAAAAAAH!

Purple: NOOOOO!

Dib: HEEEELP!

Zim: why is everyone screaming?

Dib: um…I blame purple.

Tak: not this again…

Purple: oh! So that's how you want it huh?

Dib: that's how I want it.

Purple: Well I challenge you to a contest!

Dib: what kind of contest?

Gir: oooh! I have an idea!

Zim: I wanna be the referee!

Tak: And I'll just sit here and watch your pain.

Gir: first challenge!

Dib: I can beat an alien no problem.

Gir: who can not go blind for the longest!

Purple: what?

Gir: you both get sporks and you must poke each others eyes out!

Dib: that's not fair! He's too tall!

Zim: silence! GET POKING!

_Purple stabs his spork into Dibs ear. Dib sighs and sits down. Purple tries to get his spork out but its stuck._

Purple: wha? No fair!

Dib: Is there a doctor in the audience?

Zim: I declare Purple the winner!

Dib: WHAT? HOW?

Zim: I dunno.

Purple: in your face big head boy!

Dib: can some one just get this spork out of my ear?

Tak: what is it with sporks anyway?

Gir: spoons! _Begins stabbing Tak mercilessly with a spoon._

Tak: PAIN! HORRIBLE…JUST HORRIBLE!

Dib: hello? Spork in my brain?

Zim: that's nice Dib. Poke her in the eye Gir!

Purple: 20 monies if you can jam it down her throat!

Dib: I'm in serious pain here!

Tak: AAAAH!

Purple: Gir! Gooooo Gir!

Dib: Has anyone even noticed that there's a spork sticking out of my ear?

Zim: go gir go!

Dib: HEEELLOOOO? Need…paramedic…

Purple: oooh, that's gonna hurt in the morning…

Tak: are you guys going to help me? GIR! STOP SPOONING ME!

**Box: We interrupt this program to remind you that you can be just like Gir and his spoon by buying new Tak flavoured ice cream, made from real Tak, in stores today!**

Tak: WHAT?

**Box: hey, I don't make these things.**

Dib: HAS ANYBODY NOTICED, AT ALL, THAT THERE IS A SHARP KITCHEN UTENSIL JAMMED IN MY EAR?

Zim: who?

Dib: you know, I used to think dark forces were opposing me. Now I know its just you…Zim and your horrible…brain of…horribleness…

Purple: Horrible fest!

Tak: can you stop spooning me now Gir?

Gir: okie dokie!

**Eviction happens in five minutes.**

Tak: oh no! I'm gonna get evicted!

Zim: I have an idea!

Purple: YOU have an idea? Let me guess, it involves setting the elevator on fire doesn't it.

Zim: eh…I have another idea!

Tak: tell me!

Zim: when they evict some one, they kill them right?

Box: not necessarily, we just did that to Gaz because we had nothing else to do.

Zim: SILENCE! So basically, we kill her before they do!

Purple: THAT'S JUST HORRIBLE!

Tak: ARE YOU INSANE IN YOUR TINY MIND?

Zim: Dib, open your mouth.

Dib: Why?

Zim: just do it.

Gir: OPEN IT!

Dib: okay…

_Zim picks up Tak and rams her down Dib's throat._

Purple: I can't believe you just did that.

Dib: gaaah…YOU JUST MADE ME EAT HER!

Zim: yep. May she rest in pain.

Gir: aw….I wanted to eat her….

Zim: you can eat the next person Gir.

Box: weeeell…..Doesn't that put us ahead of schedule.

Purple: SOME ONE GET ME OUTTA THIS ELEVATOR!

Dib: I can't believe you shoved her down my throat!

Zim: I figured the extra fibre might make your body grow in proportion to you head.

Dib: LEAVE MY HEAD ALONE!

**Voting for eviction number 3 begins now.**

**Time until eviction: 4 hours.**

**I shall be going on holiday for a week. I may post another part Saturday or Sunday, but after that you'll have to wait. BWAHAHA-sorry…**


	11. Something horrid like a wedding

**Time until eviction: 4 hours.**

**Fav for eviction: Dib and Purple.**

Purple: AAAAH!

Gir: YAY!

Dib: I don't want to die!

Zim: I love this show…

Gir: That's my line! _Pokes Zim in the eye_

Dib: I can believe you made me eat an alien.

Purple: in….shock…shock…brain things….vibrating….must….chew…Dib's hair…off….

Dib: now look what you've done! I spend ages gelling my hair to stay up like that and purple's drooling on it!

Zim: how is that my fault?

Dib: I don't know! And I don't care!

Gir: hoot…..hoot….

Purple: why are you making owl noises?

Gir: YAY! Its just us boys left!

Dib: we have to stick together!

_Gir retrieves his duct tape and glues himself to Dib's head._

Dib: Gir, please tell me WHY you just stuck yourself to my head?

Zim: you said we had to stick together!

Purple: he's got a point.

Dib: oh sure! He always has a point! Lets all pal up with Zim shall we?

Purple: ok.

Dib: I was being sarcastic.

Purple:…can we glue his mouth shut again?

Zim: nah, then he just makes bothersome noises. Like COCKADOODLE DOO!

Dib: WHY, IN THE NAME OF PARASCIENCE, DID YOU JUST DO AN IMPRESSION OF A COCKERAL?

Zim: If I knew I wouldn't have done it.

Gir: I know what will cheer you up! Laughing gas! _Gir sprays Dib with gas and Dib faints._

Zim: That was knock out gas Gir.

Gir: oops.

Purple: sooo…what do we do with his defenceless sleeping self. The one that would do nothing if we drew all over his face.

Zim: the one that wouldn't complain if I grated his hair off…

Purple: hold that thought…

_Five minutes later, Gir is back in that dashing tuxedo-_

Box: what is wrong with you?

_Ahem. Zim has retrieved the wedding bible from its corner and Purple has dressed Dib in a wedding dress. Makes you wonder why he had a wedding dress in his pak…_

Purple: shutup!

Zim: ahem. We are gathered here in this elevator to witness the coming together of Mr Dib jerky face and Gir…Gir…

Gir: say super man! Say super man!

Zim: and Gir superman. If anyone has any objections to this marriage, say so now.

Purple: not me.

Box: I would object strongly but the author of this insanity is threatening to pull my insides out. So there you go.

**Author: ehehe….carry on.**

Zim: who has the rings?

Purple: uh…I've got 2 mini doughnuts…

Zim: that'll do. Gir Superman, do you take Dib Jerk Face to be your pet monkey.

Gir: can I get a divorce to?

Zim: not yet Gir.

Gir: I probably doooo ….

Zim: and do you, monkey face, take Gir to be a completely annoying and pointless addition to you worthless scummy life?

Purple (imitating Dib): I do…

Zim: you are now Monkey and Robot. Go now in peace to ruin your lives.

Dib: hu….heh? Why am I dressed in a wedding dress? Why is there a doughnut on my finger! Wait…ZIM! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NOW?

Purple: you got married to Gir!

Dib: _jaw drops, part of Tak's arm is visible_ I'LL KILL YE ALL!

Purple: does the monkey normally talk like a pirate?

Zim: no….

Purple: it's a bad sign…

Zim: what, him talking funny or the fact he's waving a cutlass?

Back on earth, in a fire shelter, a fax machine is whirring…

Membrane: hmm? It's for me! Let's see….it appears to be my son, with an insane bloodthirsty look on his face, dressing a wedding dress and waving a cutlass. Ok…I wonder what that boy's up to these days…

Gaz's ghost: hey dad.

Membrane: you look like a ghost! Is that a new makeup?

Gaz's Ghost: kinda. _Falls down a pit of burning not niceness._

Membrane: they grow up so fast…

**And another chapter ends with wedding bells and Dib going nuts. Love the dress though Dib…**

Dib: LEAVE ME LONE!

**Time until eviction: 3 hours**

**Fav for eviction: Dib and Purple…**

**I may post another tomorrow before my departure. Depends on how quickly I can get the horror typed up…**

**Box: she's leaving? YES!**

**Not forever you dope!**

**Box: aw….so….close…**


	12. Sponsored by Homer's Scrambling show!

**Time until eviction: 3 hours**

**Fav for eviction: Purple and Dib. **

Purple: doh!

Homer Simpson: hey! Thats my line!

Box: Homer…Simpson? Now I am putting my foot down.

**Author: aw…ok…**

_The laser fries Homer-_

Box: I'm not paying insurance!

_And we return to the show. Gr._

Purple: please….calm down….Dib…

Dib: You'll pay for this!

Zim: for what!

Dib: the wedding!

Zim: what wedding?

Dib: you know….

Zim: no I don't.

Dib: stop it!

Zim: stop what?

Dib: ah! I can't remember why I'm so mad at you!

Zim: works every time…

Dib: so I'll just saw your antennae off instead.

Purple: _looks alarmed_ Can we have a straight jacket in here?

Box: will do.

_Two pincers come down from the ceiling and tie Dib up in a straight jacket._

Gir: tea party! _Pulls out a tea set and makeup. _

Dib: 'gulp' uh….Zim…get Gir away from me…

Gir: we're gonna play some fun games Dib!

Dib: ZIM!

Zim: I my incredible memory is right you were going to saw my antennae off?

Purple: ehehe…

Dib: I was kidding…

Zim: beg earth child!

Dib: no way!

Gir: first, Dib gets a make over. With pink blusher!

Dib: NAAAAAOOOOOOO! Ok! I'm begging!

Zim: you're not begging hard enough Dib…._Dib gets a gorgeous facial. Wow, is Gir pro or what…_

Box: can we stay on topic?

_Oh yeah…_

Purple: that's gonna leave a mark.

Gir: ooh! And now I'll give you another ear piercing…

Dib: another one? _Tries desperately to free his arms so he can remove the spork from his ear, but fails horribly._

Zim: hey! When did you get that spork impaled in your brain?

Dib: I'm not even going to answer.

Zim: DO NOT IGNORE ZIM!

Purple: ooh…what does it do? _Purple slowly twists the spork and Dib hollers with pain as his brains are slowly scrambled like eggs…_

Homer: mmmm….scrambled eggs…

Box: I thought the author got rid of him!

**Author: the author reserves the right to remain silent.**

Homer: yeah well I don't wanna go! I drove my car into a truck…Marge is gonna be so mad…Can I stay for a bit?

Gir: lemme keep him! PWEASE?

Purple: _Pokes homers huge belly _what is that?

Homer: It's what makes a man a man….

Purple: Can I have one?

Dib: Am I the only sane one here?

Homer: Shut up boy! _Strangles Dib._

Box: That does it. Some one get him out.

_The door opens and the nice white men drag Homer out. _

Dib: the doors open! We can escape! _He gets up and tries to escapes but keeps tripping over the straight jacket. Zim, Purple and Gir watch him, oblivious to the fact they can escape._

Zim: what'cha doing there?

Dib: we can get out! Help me!

Purple: I want a squishy tummy…

Gir: aaaw…Innit cute?

Dib: nearly…out…._The doors close._ I hate you all.

**Time until eviction: 2 hours 20 minutes.**

**Fav for eviction: Purple.**

Purple: doh!

Box: the next time Crazy Co ask me to volunteer for a program I'm going to refuse…

**Author: hehe…Ok, I'm off on holiday! Bye!**

Dib: what about us?

**Author: you shall go in suspended animation!**

Dib: what? _Is frozen in time_


	13. Fear my education Earth monkey!

**Yes, the author is back, full of new madness for this fic (try sleeping in a room with my friends for a week), anda greatidea for another sequel (which doesn't involve an elevator this time). But I won't be revealling any of that yet.**

Box: she's back. have mercy...

Dib: can we come out of suspended animation yet?

Purple: you already have Dib thing.

Dib: talk about stealing Zim's insults.

Zim: NOBODY STEALS MY INSULTS!

**Time until next eviction: 2 hours (next chapter)**

Dib: that was weird.

Zim: yes. Yes it was.

Purple: I'm still hungry from that kitten. Can we eat another guest star?

Box: NOO!

Gir: aw, why not?

Box: You've already eaten a kitten, made a detective explode and devoured one of the contestants!

Purple: She was going to die anyway!

Dib: Stupid Zim…

Zim: OH I'M stupid am I?

Dib: that's what I said.

Zim: So I'M stupid?

Dib: yes.

Zim: AM I?

Dib: ZIM!

Zim: AM I?

Purple: shutup Zim.

Zim: I don't wanna!

Dib: why don't we annoy Zim for once?

Purple: _tears well up_ Because Gir growled at me…

Dib: How you became leader of an empire I have no idea.

Purple: Can I have my doughnut back?

Dib: what doughnut?

Zim: the one we used as a wedding ring.

Dib: AH-HAH! That's what I wanted to kill you about!

Gir:…Can we get a divorce yet? I WANT A DIVORCE!

Dib: When I get this straight jacket off I will murder you.

Gir: You're mean to me, you never like it when I put make up on you and you bit a chunk out the wedding ring doughnut thing!

Purple: mmmh? No that was me.

Gir: oh…_attacks Purple in an insane fit of insane insaneness._

Zim: Dib, if you don't stop making my robot go crazy-

Dib: what can you possible do?

Zim: Right! _A cage comes out of Zim's pak and falls on Dib. Then a screen appears._

Dib: educational television!

Purple: ZIM! Get Gir off me!

Zim: That's right Dib!

Purple: ZIM!

Dib: no…you….can't…

Purple: HELLO?

Gir: DIE!

Purple: dying….horribly…pain…

Zim: fear my education!

TV Guy: Don't you sometimes feel sad? Well our next program, Mindless Devotion Hypnosis Through Math Lessons, will be sure to make you happy! Or Else!

Dib: NOOOOOOO!

**Time until eviction: 1 hour.**

**Fav for eviction: Purple. **


	14. Eviction 3 and a horrible arrest

**Time until Eviction: 1 hour.**

**Fav for Eviction: Purple and Dib**

Purple: are these people trying to help me? Because they're doing a bad job at it.

Box: don't worry, you might get out alive, somebody's trying to blackmail the author.

_The distant rumblings of angry fangirls and hideous screaming pain is heard._

Dib: alternately, the author's wrath could be even worse.

Gir: could beee….

Purple: you're not making feel any better. Hey Dib, if I go first, you'll be stuck in an elevator….all alone…with Zim…

Gir: AND ME!

Purple: aw Gir! You ruined the moment…

Dib: _the horrible realisation dawns on him_ WHY IS THE WORLD AGAINST ME?

Gir: heehee!

Zim: _pokes Dib in the eye_

Dib: What was that for?

Zim: to wake you from your horrid nightmare of horridness and bring you into an even worse one.

Dib: (sarcastically) thanks Zim, I really appreciated that.

Zim: YOU DARE APPRECIATE ZIM?

Purple: why is it that his voice always goes an octave lower when he says his own name?

Dib: good question.

Zim: DO NOT QUESTION ZIM!

Dib: you're doing it again!

Zim: LEAVE ME ALONE!

Dib: how does it feel to be annoyed Zim?

Zim: _picks Dib up by one arm of the straight jacket and dangles him upside down_ I dunno, normally it makes me want to wreak revenge or some thing.

Dib: heheh….um…Zim? Can you put me down? Please?

Zim: I wonder how long he can stay upside down until his head explodes.

Purple: explodes? That's a waste of meat! Can we eat him instead?

Zim: no, exploding is good.

Gir: YAY!

Dib: PUT ME DOWN!

Gir: _starts humming the countdown music_

Purple: explode! Explode!

Dib: put me down!

_The lights start flashing and Dib's straight jacket disappears._

Box: EVICTION TIME!

Gir: YAY!

Box: we have a problem!

Gir: YAY!

Box: there is a tie for eviction!

Gir: YAY!

Box: so, the strongest Elevator mate with the least votes chooses he who is evicted!

Dib: Please let it be Gir…

Purple: why?

Dib: if it's Gir, I have a remote chance of surviving…

Box: and the strongest mate is….Zim!

Dib: NOOO!

Box: choose carefully Zim.

Zim: the existence of the universe rests in my hands?

Box: noooo….just whos evicted.

Zim: hm…who to choose….

Dib: don't kill me…

Purple: I don't know whats worse, more time with Zim or being killed…

Zim: I know! We shall have a tie breaker question! About me!

Gir: YAY!

Box: is that robot capable of saying anything else?

Zim: ok, here we go. What is my Minimoose's secret weapon?

Dib: Mini moose didn't have a secret weapon! It just floated around and squeaked!

Zim: fine, what secret weapon was it SUPPOSED to have?

Dib: um…

Purple: how am I supposed to know that?

Zim: Gir, a clue!

Gir: SQUEAK!

Purple: that's a clue?

Dib: NUBS! NUBS OF DOOM!

Zim: correct!

Dib: YES!

Box: PURPLE! Yooooou're out!

Purple: NOOO!

Box: but, due to popular demand and a request from the author-

**Author: fangirls….eating…my….lunch….horrible…**

Box: you will not suffer the same horrible fate as the others!

Zim: what?

Box: instead, we're gonna let you go!

Gir: aaw…

Purple: YES!

_The doors open and Purple walks out, sticking his tongue out at Zim. Moments later he is attacked by 50 police men._

Police: you're under arrest for the murder of Holmes, the old lady and _shudders_ the kitten…

PC: that poor kitten…

Purple: WHAT?

Police: take him away boys.

_Purple is dragged off_

Box: back to the show!

Dib: you knew those cops where there didn't you.

Box: eviction took a while there, so we only have 3 and a half hours left.

Dib: Hello? I asked you a question.

Box: moving on now…

Dib: I'll make that a yes.

**Time until eviction: 3 hours 30 minutes.**

**Voting begins now.**


	15. You underestimate the power of math!

**Fav for eviction: Gir**

Gir: aaw….

Dib: just the 3 of us left now.

Gir: OO! We're gonna have so much fun!

Zim: speaking of fun- _Zim retrieves the educational television and turns it off pause._

Dib: NOOO! TURN IT OFF!

TV: 2+2You Will obey. You will obey. Obey the numbers.

Dib: no….so….many…sums….

Zim: wow, this stuff really has a nasty effect on humans. I have a plan to take over the world!

Gir: make every one watch this until they're brain's explode?

Zim: no! We shall sell potato chips!

Dib: WHAT HAS THAT GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

Zim: then, they shall become fat. We will strap them to their sofas and force them to watch-

Dib: not educational television!

Zim: CARTOONS! And then after so long they will become stupid! So stupid…

Dib: I'm confused, what has this got to do with…horror…

TV: Maths is good. You like it. You love it. BWAhAHAHA!

Dib: must resist….no really, what's it got to do with Educational television?

Zim: when they are stupid, we will make them watch it, and their tiny stupid fat minds will explode!

Dib: you know, you could save a lot of time and potato chips if you just use Gir's plan and make them watch Educational television right away.

Zim: nah, that would never work.

Dib: ok. Thanks for telling me your plan Zim!

Zim: 0-0 um…that was a fake plan!

Dib: sure it was.

Zim: LIES FROM YOUR MOUTH!

Gir: Math…must…add….numbers…

Dib: looks like your robot is resistant to the awesome power of boring math lessons too Zim! Zim…add….Zim…equals…ZimZim….uh…legs….all….wobbly…

Gir: must…laugh….at Dib…._snaps out of it and laughs at Zim so hard he rolls on the floor._

Zim: well. I think you've met your match Dib.

TV: obey the numbers…

Dib: I obey…

TV: in the event that you are locked in an elevator with an alien, destroy the alien…

Zim: HEH?

Dib: Must….eat….Zim….

Zim: AAAAH!

_Dib starts chewing Zim's head. Again._

Zim: get it off! Gir! Turn the TV off!

TV: destroy the non believer!

Gir: doo-de-doo-doo-dooo….

Zim: TURN IT OFF GIR! HE'S EATING MY GUTS!

_We zoom in on Gir's blank expression to reveal he is day dreaming. _

And then the squirrel fleeeew away….

I was the chubby lady hiding behind the bushes.

Zim: GIR! HELP ME! WAKE UP AND TURN THE TV OFF!

I'm gonna sing the doom song now!

Wait, if you kill Dib in the past, he won't be your enemy, so you won't have to send a robot back, but then he WILL be your enemy so you will have to send a robot back-

Zim: GIR!

_Gir explodes, short circuiting the TV_

Dib: aeah…

Zim: phew. That was lucky.

Dib: See what happens when you mess with the awesome might of Education?

Zim: Gir explodes?

Dib: YES! Well…no…

Zim: You go homicidal and start eating people?

Dib: NO! You're missing the point!

Zim: Zim misses the point?

Dib: I hate you.

Gir: I loves you all too…

**Time until next eviction: 2 and a half hours.**


	16. Zim's guide to problem solving

**Fav for eviction: Gir**

Dib: I get the feeling you two are conspiring against me.

Zim: You know I never really noticed how big your head is from this angle.

Dib: It's not normal for a human to have so much bad luck!

Gir: oh yeah…..look at the bigness….

Zim: told you.

Dib: Are you even listening to me?

Zim: eeeh….aaaahh…..ooooh…..no.

Dib: great. Just great.

Zim: gir, I think the dib beast needs a hug.

Gir: NO!

Zim: Wha? Why?

Gir: we all need pigs!

Zim: heh?

_Gir's head opens and hundreds of dirty live squealing piggys run out._

Zim: AAAAAAAHHHH!

Dib: THE PIGS! It's horrible!

Gir: I know…

Zim: suppose we could always eat the pi-AAH! It's eating me!

Gir: I gots them from cannibal pig planet!

Dib: They made a planet especially for cannibal pigs? AAAAH! STOP EATING MY SOCK!

Zim: You're not wearing socks.

Dib:….AAAAAH! MY FEETES! MY FEETES!

Gir: Im not even gonna ask what they are…

Dib: RIGHT! I'm calling…._dramatic music_ the exterminator!

Zim: NOOOO!

Gir: Whats one of them?

Zim: I dunno.

Dib: HE'LL EXTERMINATE THE PIGS GIR! EXTERMINATE THE PIGS!

Gir: Is Dib losing it?

Zim: yep.

_There is a huge puff of smoke and a big beefy guy appears._

Ex: Did some one call…_dramatic music_ THE EXTERMINATOR?

Dib: wow, thats handy. I did! Exterminate the pigs!

_All the pigs jump on the Ex and he hollers with pain._

Ex: AAAH! THE PIGS! Too…powerful…

Dib: NO!

Ex: you know, I could probably kill them if I had some coffee…you know….boost my strength?

Dib: I WILL GET THE COFFEE!

Zim: can we have a 'ten minutes later' sign down here?

_Ten minutes later._

Zim: Thanks…

_The exterminator is lying on a sun bed drinking coffee and eating cakes while a very pooped out Dib fans him._

Dib: can you…please…kill…the pigs now?

Ex: I dunno…just five more minutes?

Dib: Wait…why am I getting déjà vu here?

Gir: hee…

Zim: poor deluded Dib.

Dib: MORTOS! Mortos der Soulstealer!

Mortos: aw…_takes of his disguise._

Dib: I can't believe it! What am I going to do with you?

Zim: I have an idea.

Dib: what.

Zim: Gir, put the tuxedo on again.

Gir: yes sir!

_5 minutes later, Mortos is tied to the spit, Zim is dancing all Indian-y and Gir is back in that lovely tuxedo with that bible…_

Dib: is it just me, or do you resolve all of your problems by tying some one to a spit, holding a fake wedding service and eating them?

Zim: I know not what you speak of earth child!

**Time till eviction: 1 hour (ooh, the head to head show down be close!)**

**Fav for eviction…**

Gir: ME!

Zim: that's bad Gir.

Dib: at least we know none of us will get arrested if we escape. Their happy with that tallest guy.

In the police station….

Purple: I'm innocent! It's Zim! It's all Zim's fault!

Police: Well according to our records, this 'Zim' fellow doesn't exist!

Purple (grumbling): And red said it was a good idea removing Zim's name from the existence record…


	17. Drunken ol' fogies

**Box: commercial break!**

**Guy: are feeling depressed?**

**Boy: no kidding, I failed my exam. BECAUSE YOU SALES PEOPLE KEEP BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE!**

**Guy: well make those worries go a way with this brand, spanking new, scientist approved-**

**Boy: Lemme guess, toothpaste.**

**Guy:….the boy is psychic! Hail the boy!**

**Boy: MOM!**

**Ugly singing commercial Girls (USCG): Hail the magic tooth paste, you'll find it quite a habit, you'll be brushing when you watch TV, sponsored by Roger Rabbit!**

**Roger Rabbit: LIAR! I've been framed!**

**Gal: Theres a new store opening in town!**

**Girl: REALLY?**

**Gal: no.**

**Girl:….WHY? _Bursts into tears and throws tantrum_**

**Gal: I was being sarcastic! Stupid public and their stupid questions….any way, come down to Payne's Pain store for all your torture needs! Hey! Stop crying on my shoes!**

**Girl: You know I'm going to have to eat you now.**

**Gal: huh?**

_**The camera turns away to show a cute hamster and lots of horrible noises are heard.**_

**Camera guy: We could show you whats happening, but we decided not to bore you and show this cute hamster instead. **

**Audience: aw…**

**Guy with dreamy voice: Invid classics are back….with tunes to blow you away….**

**Dib's class: ohhh, we all love the white coat man, the white coat man, the white coat man, we all love the white coat man, he's coming to take us away!**

**Membrane: I think they're onto us Simpson…**

**Guy: Tunes to soothe the soul…**

**Scottish skool kids: With swish of his hat and a swipe of his blade, he hacked at the corpse til the price was paid, Eliza, Eliza!**

**Guy: Tunes to bring back priceless memories…**

**Ol' fogies with fiddles: Oooooh, back in the days when the hen was young and not dead all over the floor, the Nazi invaders dropped their bombs, but we can't recall what for!**

**Guy: Don't miss out on our special offer….**

**Box: and we're back on!**

Zim: WHERE WERE YOU GENERAL PUBLIC? Ooh, you're despicable, I bet you were having a commercial break or something….

Dib: Zim, this is a TV show! There has to be commercial breaks!

Gir: And I ordered this neat CD!

Dib: finally! Music!

Ol' Fogies with Fiddles: Up we were, on the Nazi front, because we had a hunch, the germans, despite their guns and things had invited us out for lunch.

Dib: huh?

Ol Fogies: Turns out they were decent chaps, so Churchhill got the blame,

And then they kicked him off the post, it was really quite a shame.

Zim: OOH! I love this song! _Starts square dancing with Gir_

Ol' fogies: Oh Charles he got his head lopped off, he paid a hefty fee,

But Jimmy went and stole the loot and we had the head for tea!

Dib: I find this very disturbing….

Gir: Come on Dib! Dance!

Dib: Is eviction soon? Some body shoot me…

Zim: who knew that kidnapping old men from old peoples homes and getting them drunk make such good party tunes!

Gir: YAY!

Dib: I'm standing in an elevator with an insane robot and a square dancing alien. Oh yeah. Eat that loonatic asylum…

Scottish skool kids: Eliza girl your such a fool, there was nothing you could do, now be a dear and mop up the guts 'cause your husbands chopped in two!

Dib: and a CD that plays nothing but weird…stuff…

Guy: now for the pig concerto!

Pig:…oink….oink…

Dib: Right, that thing is coming off right now!

**Eviction in: 10 minutes**

**Far for eviction: Gir.**


	18. Final Round

**Time until Eviction: 10 minutes.**

**Fav for eviction: Gir.**

Zim!!! the CD stays!

Dib: there is nothing stupider than that CD!

Ol fogies: You're probably sayin' that this is dumb, as dumb as dumb can be,

But we say you're dumber than a talking box, 'cause you bought this CD, oh-fiddle-dee-dee!

Dib:…who makes these things?

**Box: Crazy co! Yours for only $10, call 0-800-PIGGY.**

Dib:…explains a lot.

Zim: cheer up Dib! It's only gonna get worse from now on!

Dib:…I hate you.

Zim: me too…

Dib: Stop it!

Zim: stop what?

Dib: don't do that again…

Zim: do what!

Dib: go away or…um…I'm telling…(to himself) ouch. That came out horribly…

Zim: LIES! LIES! You make me do what I really don't want to do! _Stuffs a burrito in his mouth. His head swells up with horribleness._ Stupid human food…

Dib: why did you do that?

Gir: _tears _That was….beautiful…

**Box: speaking of beautiful, EVICTION TIME!**

Dib: finally!

**Box: and the Evictee is….Gir!**

Dib: damn it.

**Box: as the final evictee before the final round, you win an exclusive, once in a life time, all expenses paid trip to a human old fogies home! **

Gir: with fiddles?

Ol fogies: OOOH, come and see our fogies home, all expenses paid with gold,

By the time you mange to break out, you'll have gone all stale and old!

**Box: Congratulations Gir! **

_A tube comes through the ceiling and sucks Gir up._

**Box: And finally, the final round is here! Our final contestants, Dib and Zim, must take part in elevator challenges which will have no effect on the final outcome!**

Dib: Then why do we do it?

**Box: the crazy co. crew got a bit bored. Remember to vote for the winner of….ELEVATOR OF DOOM!**

Zim: I will win earth monkey! I've waited all day for this moment!

Dib: Earth to Zim, so have I!

**Box: first pointless challenge! Who has the biggest head!**

_Zim's head swells down to regular size._

Zim: aw…

**Box: to decide this you must punch a hole in these beanie bags, using only your head!**

_Two large beanie bags appear in the air and Zim and Dib are attacked by straight jackets._

**Box: you have to keep jumping or the cannibal pigs will get you!**

Cannibal Pigs: Zzzz…

**Box: WAKE UP!**

Cannibal Pigs: OINK!

**Box: The final eviction happens in 2 hours after 5 pointless contests! Make your vote count! **


	19. There will be no winner! Only DOOM!

**Two hours until final eviction.**

**Fav for winning: It's a draw…**

_Dib jumps and jumps, the pigs go back to sleep and Zim watches. Dib slips and hits his head on the floor._

Dib: uuh…

Zim: hm…It seems the dib beast is taking a nap…

Dib: my head….

Zim: maybe I should wake him up. _Hits Dib repeatedly with a spork._

Dib: why…

Zim: ITS ALIVE! ITS ALIVE!

Dib: stupid challenges.

Box: the next challenge is to make a piñata explode!

Dib: what piñata?

Box: eh…we couldn't find one so you'll have to blow each other up.

Zim: neat.

Dib: Zim! We have to work together here! This Box person is torturing us!

Zim: should we tie it to a spit?

Dib: NO! That's just- well…I guess we could but-

Zim: ROASTED BOX!

Box: NO!

Dib: Zim! Stop being stupid!

Zim: must…roast…talking Box…

Dib: I have to put my foot down now Zim!

Zim: Ok, you get roasted first.

Dib? Um… no! roast the box! He's annoying!

Box: Dib's heads bigger!

Zim: (singing to the tune of Reddy the red eyed Tallest- um, I mean Rudolph the red nosed reindeer) Dibby, the big headed human, had a very very big head!

Box: YEAH! CHRISTMAS SONGS! And if you every saw him, you usually ended up dead,

Dib: HEY!

_In the massive where Red is watching TV…_

Red:…déjà vu…

General: shouldn't you try and get Purple out of jail?

Red:….nah…_lots of fire appears_…I WILL RULE IRK! BWAHAHA!

General: security, call the looney bin, Red's lost it again…

Dib: STOP SINGING NOW!

Box: fine big head boy. Why don't you make a speech on why you should win to kill time?

Zim: OOH! ZIM SHALL SPEAK! Ahem. _Lots more fire appears. _PEOPLE OF THE UNIVERSE!

Dib: stop shouting!

Zim: sorry. You fools made the mistake of locking Zim into this elevator of doom, for I have tricked you all! With my evil Dibby minion-

Dib: since when am I your evil Dibby minion?

Zim: since now. With my evil Dibby minion, I have fooled you all into dropping your guard, and Zim has taken over!

Dib: Zim! You haven't won yet!

Zim: Thanks to your incompetence, I have taken over and will rule with an iron fist!

Dib: you've used that line before. Why is no one listening to me?

Zim: fine I will rule with A CHEESEY FIST! SO VERY CHEESEY! BWAHAHAH! No matter whether I win, or this pathetic Dib thing wins, know this! There will be no winner, ONLY DOOM!...and….possibly some fires….um…thanks…uh…have a nice day.

Box: BRAVO! Loving it Zim!

Dib: Am I the only sane one here?

Box: some times its important to be insane.

Dib: really…

Box: LIKE THIS! _A huge mallet hits Zim._

Zim OW!

Dib:…

Zim: I'm ok, Zim is fine.

Dib: you're alive!

Zim: so it would seem…

Dib: _Hugs Zim so tight he can't breathe_

Zim: GAH! PAIN….DIB!

Dib: yes Zim?

Zim: let go of me…

Dib: nope.

Zim: gr….

Dib: now whos crazy?

Box: you are.

Dib: _lets go of Zim_ I hate you…

**Winner declared next chapter! Some body break the tie…**


	20. The horrible end and the unlucky winner!

Ol fogies with fiddles (and Gir): now the winner is declared, we hoped you liked the show, before this robot shoots us all, we'd like to say- NOOOO!

Gir: heehee….

Box: eh….what they said. And the winner is…

Zim: ZIM!

Dib: DIB!

Donkey: DONKEY!

Dib: heh?

Box: ok, out of the elevator.

Donkey: fine, you toss me out like some dirty old sock. 'Cause my man Shrek-

Box: GET OUT!

Donkey: ok! Keep your tail on….sheesh…

Box: and the winner is…DIB!

Zim: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Box: Zim, as a consolation prize, you get a free ticket to a theme park, for a day of fun filled stuff!

Zim: NOOO!

Dib: What do I get?

Box: nothing!

Dib: what?

Box: You get absolutely nothing!

Dib: but I won!

Box: hey, I managed to stand you guys for 22 hours, and I didn't get anything.

Dib: Zim got a prize!

Zim: hehe…

Dib: I cant believe he gets a ticket to a theme park-

Zim: AAAH! THE HORROR!

Dib: I spent 22 hours in a elevator-

Box: If it makes you feel any better, I could blow you up.

Zim: I know how to make him feel loved!

Dib: I don't want to feel loved!

Zim: I know some times life is hard Dib-

Dib: What are you, my counsellor?

Zim: So here are some (dubbed over voice) Adhesive medical strips! And some tuna!

Box: ingenious.

Zim: Well I'm off to my theme park. THE HORROR…._Gets sucked up by a tube. The elevator doors open._

Dib: oh well. I guess I did win. _Walks past the corpse of the old lady. _I might as well have some tuna! _Eats the tuna._ Wait…this tuna is fifty years out of date! _Throws Tak up._

Tak: UH….the horrors…Hey Dib. You've really got to stop eating space invader cereal…that stuff is nasty…

Box: on an unrelated note, several fans of Elevator of doom broke into jail this morning and freed Purple! Yes reviewers of this fic, you know who you are and anything you say will be used against you! The police know where you live!

Dib: Wait, Tak's alive, I'm ok, Gir shot all of the pensioners and Zim…well, Zim will probably survive unless he tries some stupid scheme to bring the rollercoasters to life- _distance rumbling is heard and you can just make out Zim yelling "Come my roller minions of doom! Rise against the children!_ "

Tak: Stupid Zim…

Dib: and purple's out of jail, but what about Gaz?

_A hell pit opens up and Gaz is spat out._

Gaz: stupid Satan and his stupid whining…

Dib: ok. I'm going home now.

Gaz: I'm still hungry.

Tak: Food sounds good.

_Later in a space restaurant…_

Gaz: _Her hands keep going through the pizza _Stupid pizza...

Zim (covered in bandages and adhesive medical strips): remind me never to bring merry go rounds to life again…

Tak: Don't worry, I'll remind you to do it again.

Purple: (outside, knocking on the window) hello? Can you let me in? Why don't I get any food?

Gir: aw…I got pensioner blood in my spaghetti…

Dib: I think we've forgotten something.

Zim: uh-huh. We've probably forgotten a whole lot.

Back out side the elevator…

Old Lady: hello? Paramedics?

Box: just die already!

Red: (voice over) AHAHAHA!

Sherlock: (voice over) I'll be back…

Kitten: (voice over) meow?

**The author: Hello! If you're reading this, the sequel…um…three-quel is out now (I promise it's the last sequel I'll do…)! Look out for Irken Pie: The wedding! Out now!**

**Preview!**

Zim: this horrible thing is a wedding, where 2 foolish people decide they hate each other so much, that it's not enough to stalk them at work, set fire to their car, eat their children and poke them with sporks…_Dib shudders and pokes the spork which is still impaled in his left ear. _

Purple: can't you get it removed?

Dib: I forgot…

Zim: But no, they have to move in together and torture each other on a daily basis, perhaps even have their own children and eat them in order to annoy their partner for spending so much time making children who were doomed anyway.

**Thanks for reviewing! You've all been great!**

**Box: finally...**

**Except you!**


End file.
